Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Kids on Leashes

Here's why I'm getting used to the idea of kids on leashes.

I used to think they were awful. I once broke up with a guy after seeing him tethered to his mom beside a fountain in Germany in one of their family photo albums. And this one red-haired demon child that used to come into the store I worked at was on a leash when he started trying to climb a lady's leg that was not his mom's.

You're not being sneaky, Moms...we know that your bratty kid's turtle backpack has a leash attached to it.

But here's the thing. As you know, I work a few hours a week at a retail establishment. The type of place where Moms would shop, and I get that many Moms have no choice but to bring their demon children with them. Because my shifts are mostly in the evenings, one of my tasks is to go around and clean all of the mirrors and windows in the place. No biggie. I don't mind doing it in the slightest bit.

Last night, I was in the little vestibule area....foyer?  Lobby?  Vestibule...and as I'm cleaning the hand prints from the glass JUST above the metal push bar that you're supposed to put your hands on (seriously, ladies? You have to touch the glass 5cms from where we'd like you to?), I spy, out of the corner of my eye, in the tightest of places, two FULL ON kid-size hand prints. You've got to be kidding me.

I navigate around the side of the vestibule....foyer...and squeeze in between the mannequins and the front window, which by the way, is spotless, and kneel down to tackle some bratty little snot-nose kid's greasy, grimy hand prints at about kid-eye-level.

And what do I get in return?  I'll show you.


When I kneeled down to be Mrs. Clean, the tiny crack in the sole of my shoe ERUPTED and SHOT the bottom right out of my shoe. For crying out loud. I try to be a model employee, and it costs me an hundred bucks for new shoes.

Put your bad kids on leashes, Moms....or at the very least, WIPE THEIR HANDS AFTER THEY EAT THEIR MCDONALD'S FRIES. GAWD.

Heeeeeeeyyyyyyy, wait a second!  I get to buy new shoes!!!!!

1 comment:

  1. Does anyone really need an excuse for new shoes though?

    ReplyDelete